Thursday, February 23, 2012

Harper is to Canada like a tequila binge is to you

Whither Canada?*  There have been a lot of posts and editorials of people despairing of the future of Canada recently. They aren't hard to find.  Here is one.  This C30 business will only exacerbate things.  While I share the disdain for Harper and his cretins and I do sink into despair at times, I realize the real Canada will rise again.  Tyrants often seem strongest right before their fall.  And there is a parallel in that one time you really over imbibe.

You know what I mean.  Normally you shut it down after a couple of drinks.  Every once in a while you slip a bit and have a couple of Margaritas (sort of like electing Mulroney).  Some embarrassing things might happen but nothing unforgivable.  The humbling you receive is actually good for you.

But there is that one time.  You don't quite know why but an evening that starts out normally enough goes off the rails and you find that you have almost finished an entire bottle of Mescal.  You know this won't end well.  But you keep going and finish the bottle.  You know it is the worst thing you can do but you do anyways.  You see yourself doing things you would never do when sober.  Normally you are polite.  Perhaps overly so.  But under this evil influence you act rude and uncouth.  You are profligate with your money.  You gross everyone out and everyone reconsiders their opinion of you.  You see yourself doing these unforgivable acts and you can't believe this is happening.

But the effects don't last forever. The next day you begin to sober up.  You have the worst hangover.  Ever.  And you swear that you will never drink that evil liquor again.  And you don't.  You make the rounds.  Make sincere apologies to those you insulted.  And you work all the harder to make amends and reinstate your good reputation.  And everyone forgives you.

That is what will happen.

Now you may say to yourself: "why CV, what a great metaphor.  I am ready to keep fighting the evilness of the Harper regime.  But where do the worms at the bottom of the bottle fit in?"

You diodn't think I would forget, Baird, Van Loan, Poliviere et al. did you?

*Fun tid bit: "Wither Canada" is the title of the first episode of Monty Python.Recommend this Post


ij said...

In some cases (Germany, also a decent country up to about 1930), the sobering up only comes after an awful lot of destruction and suffering. I no longer believe the recovery, if it comes in my lifetime, i.e. before the final disappearance of Harper from this earth, will be as relatively simple as you think, once the opposition has been weakened - or has weakened itself by refusing to cooperate - even more or disappeared altogether, please look at Alberta! Hope you and others will prove me wrong, but Harper has brought out a frightening amount of hatred among Canadians that is missing in your otherwise charming story.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, except that once this alcohol has made its way down your throat, it takes control over the organs responsible for purging the excess poison from your body.

People should have gone to jail for the Chuck Cadman affair. People should have gone to jail for In & Out. People should have gone to jail for lots of illegal acts, but not only do they not resign, they get promoted and rewarded! And sometimes a random staffer gets thrown under the bus to deflect attention.

sassy said...

Well, with bartender Harper and his never ending HAPPY HOUR, that's what we get.

Eric said...

There is truly no need to insult tequila or mezcal (spelled properly with a "z" - not an "s" as by lazy British journalists) by associating them with right-wing political ideologues. Perhaps your political discourse is eloquent and educated, but to further soil the 400+year-old cultural heritage of Mexico's fine agave spirits - which already have an unnecessarily bad name in a country like Canada due more to large corporate brands and an inefficient liquor tax structure than to actual lack of quality of the lot of them - belies a gap in knowledge of history, creativity & patrimony of the culturally richest civilization on the continent. If I knew you, I would hope that I could say "you're better than this."

Constant Vigilance said...

I apologize unreservedly. The only intended insult was intended to, as always, Conservatives. You are correct that Mexican culture deserves more respect.